This is where I’ll post lists of things that I like or don’t like.

Things that I’m indifferent about won’t make any lists, unless the list is called ‘Top 5 things I’m indifferent about’ or similar.

10 novel ways of decreasing my popularity in an office environment

1. Burst a packet of crisps open as loud as possible every day at 11am on the dot.
2. Put up pictures of children on cubicle wall; someone else’s children (Mandy from accounts?).
3. Curries for lunch, every day, left open on the desk for a least two hours before microwaving until it spills over onto oven dish.
4. Only do two buttons up on shirt; maximum. Possibly baby-oil chest.
5. Always leave toilet door unlocked when seated.
6. In inevitable discussions surrounding corporate punishment, always dispute the death penalty – even for paedophiles and rapists.
7. Attach post-its to every single piece of work you do with meaningless figures, shorthand and arrows; if possible attach additional post-its to aforementioned notes with a conflicting messages.
8. For any question directed at a colleague, email first – call to check they received said email – then walk to desk to ask if they’ve had a chance to look at your question (allow maximum of 5 minutes between each).
9. When making a hot drink, boil a full kettle, use whatever water you need and then pour the rest down the drain – but wait for someone to approach with a tray of empty mugs.
10. React to any eavesdropped conversation about X-factor/Hollyoaks/Eastenders/Sex in the City/etc with the phrase ‘what’s the point in that shit?!’